Not sure where to start. I guess I just want an outlet to express what is going on in my head and heart during this process to keep me sane. I also want to keep those that have generously donated to our cause in the loop about any updates. Your contributions mean a lot and I can't thank all of you enough. Finally, I think it will be a great way to look back (whether it works or not) to recognize the Lord's hand in our lives and in the lives of others during this struggle.
Brief disclaimer: This is not an easy thing for me. Let's be real, I grew up in a family that has dismal communication skills. And the communication gets even worse when we are trying to talk about our feelings.
As you may or may not know, we are going through the IVF process right now. To understand that, I first have to give a little background.
At the age of 29, my husband Mike was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I was 8 months pregnant with Alyssa (our only child) when we got that news. That, in itself, was horrible. Thankfully, Mike had an emergency surgery and every test he has taken after that has shown his body to be cancer free. That was 6 years ago.
Our daughter was born in 2010 and eventually I got back to normalcy and we wanted to have more children. Month after month would pass by and I was not getting pregnant.
Finally, I was able to convince Mike to go get tested. I knew there was a possibility that his cancer had affected our ability to conceive. So, in 2014, he got some tests done to check his sperm count and hormone levels.
He called me when the results came in and told me that it was Azoospermia. Azoospermia is defined as the complete lack of sperm in the ejaculate. I was devastated. I called my Mom who was at my sister's house and I bawled. You know, the kind of crying you only do a few times in your life when you are completely heartbroken. I knew something was obviously wrong, but to get this diagnosis meant that Mike and I could never have any more children without the help of a doctor.
Mike's doctor did a few more tests just to make sure and they got the same results. We were then told that a next step would be to see a male infertility specialist at a reproductive medicine clinic.
At this time, I started frantically researching adoption. I knew IVF was extremely expensive and knew it would not be covered under our health insurance plan. I also knew that it was a very painful and emotional process from a friend I knew while we lived in California. So, I called up my sister-in-law who has adopted two children to understand the adoption process better. She told me about the church's adoption website so I looked it up and decided to call them for more information.
The very same day I called LDS Family Services is the very same day they announced they were no longer operating as an adoption agency. My heart sank again. It was the only truly affordable adoption agency since they charged a maximum fee of $10,000. Other agencies typically charge anywhere from $30,000 to $50,000.
I took that as a sign that we should go the other route. So I contacted Seattle Reproductive Medicine and set up our consultation with Dr. Walsh.
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